I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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