I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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