i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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