mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
