omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
