You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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