I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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