Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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