just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
