$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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