I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
