drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
