made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
