Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
