I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
