i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
