I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
