hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
