We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
