Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
