Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
