for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
