If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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