She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
