um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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