I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is Oprah even human
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
did i just pee glitter
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
