I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
