Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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