how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
