tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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