obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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