I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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