That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
