blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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