The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
