I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
