I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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