I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
