There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
