I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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