He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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