why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
