Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
