Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
