I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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