Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
