this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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