Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
