i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
