Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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