i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is the high leading the old right now
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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