For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
