Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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