before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
