so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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