If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When are your genitals available?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
